Misinterpretations
by PaleMoons
Summary: Bella Swan's world is full of high heel shoes, first impressions, and debating. When her friend Alice sets her up on a blind date she knows she will win.


**The rights of Twilight belong to the former creator and writer, Stephanie Meyer. The character traits, story plot lines, and context of "The Liger and the Undertaker" belongs to me, PaleMoons. Please do not abuse, use, or steal any of my story. Thank you for reading. You may proceed.**

Bella Swan was a very busy women in a very busy city in a very busy world.

She tried to hide from her social life and drench herself in work and some other times she would drench herself in tequila.

Still she tried oh, yes she tried. She always tried to date. Still not one man could get her with her soft voice and the blush that looked like a child foolishly colored on her cheeks with a blood red sharpie. Or that she was a shoe in for the head of the Swan Law Firm. One of the biggest law firms in New York City. When they finally took her on the second date they figured out why.

Miss. Swan was a loud in your face debater.

The boys missed the shy timid Bella Swan that would blush by the slightest type of eye contact.

Bella truly appeared to be a kitten. A young girl in a five foot frame. Long hair that reached the dimples of her butt. A button nose that was so cute in the court room. One of her witnesses almost squeezed it. En-till the vicious lion bit off his hand.

Correct that Miss. Swan thought of herself as a Liger.

She had had plenty of times when people would come up to her think she was a child. She has been mistaken as from sixteen to twenty.

But in all things good Miss. Swan was an fresh twenty five year old yuppie.

People got the timid impression that Miss. Swan really was a light a heavyhearted good Catholic girl. Except when they looked into her eyes. They saw the fire and the burning that never went out. In short they saw that Miss. Swan liked to win. She like to argue, but in most senses she like to win.

So when her close friend Alice Hale set here up on a blind date. She didn't wine or moan. Or chew her finger nails. Or squealed in delight. She just smirked.

Because Miss. Swan was going to win this round. She was not going to be the nice sweetheart she came to be on the horrid first date.

Miss. Swan was wearing her dark devious shoes. The shortest most form hugging strapless sweetheart neck midnight black dress with lace ebony legging. Finishing off going commando and a pair of black shades.

Even though it was a cloudy early fall day.

She stood out from the average New York crowd. She caught peoples attention. She was elegant but dressed like the devil's wife. She walked like a cover girl model. She smirked a naughty smile with her harlot red lips at the two nerdy college boys with dripping ice cream cones.

She shortly cut a corner a exact ninety degree angel and came up to a fancy restaurant with a large rustic door_. _She looked around until she lifted off her shades to the most passionate deep set eyes.

She admired the clever taste of coloring with a vintage and contemporary style all mixed in one. She bobbed her head around only to see a man short and stubby and quite frankly old.

Bella Swan like older men just not that old.

"Miss." the man questioned in curiosity.

"Yes." The young beauty replied in discuss.

" I think you have a charming young man waiting for you." He said and swiftly turned dashing throughout the crowd and rolled his eyes when he hear her keeping a steady distance behind him.

_Rebel princesses _He though vainly to himself.

Edward Cullen was a complete over the top nervous wreck.

He had never gone on a blind date in his life. Not even a date in some sorts of the word.

Overly the top, he was like priest. He pledged himself to his studies and understanding of people and how they work. He had deep believes that ran in his soul.

So when his father died at his tender age of twenty. He could not pass up his responsibility of keeping the family business alive. It's been going good and strong for over fifteen years in his hands.

His cousin Jasper had quite a bouncy wife. That deemed it a "tragedy" that some on as almost "Hot n spicy as Jasper" never got the full experience of a date. Especially a blind one. So with the help of some "Manly time" with his two closest relatives and friends. They convinced him that being celibate was not a good thing.

Deeming "Sir Issac Newton was an angry old coop and he was not waiting for the 'right women'."

Now Edward could find why he stayed away from woman. The nerves were eating his mind.

He needed a game plan.

He quickly thought of one. Then his mind slipped out of everything when he saw her.

_Is that really first date worthy I feel so dirty just glancing at her _He thought looking slightly sick and really attracted, all mixed in one.

She looked at him and couldn't stop. He looked amazing in his charcoal suite, his jacket off and his tie limply hanging around his neck. She could see bright natural orange hair coming up his arms like rushing water and a little playing hide and go seek up his shirt. Then she realized how hairy he really was. His head matted with beautiful thick hair. His face razor sharp jaw. His eyes a very cloudy shade of green and a strait nose. She smiled at this bushy orange caterpillar eyebrows.

The old server could not stop the wide grin forming on his face. From the looks of the young gentlemen that looked like her was about to barf and the girl who looked ready to pounce on him at any second. Yet they were slowly undressing each other from there eyes.

The server was about to push out the chair for the lady like he usually did. Then a brief wind passed him.

Edward grabbed her hand and looked passionately in her eyes. He lifted his mouth up to her hand and put the slightest butterfly kisses on her knuckles. Then her opened her seat gentle and put his hand on the small of her back when she not so gracefully sat in her seat.

She flushed all over and that made Edward smile. He had plenty of experience with woman emotions at his job.

"Good evening." Bella commented curtly.

"Yellow."Edward replied breezy.

"Yellow?" Bella questioned.

"Yeah?" Edward questioned back.

Bella had to giggled at the eyebrows, she just had to.

"May I ask what to drink." The waiter replied curtly.

"White." The pig headed girl answered.

They both turned there heads in Edwards direction. Edward was a bit displeased by the way that she addressed the waiter in such a rude tone.

_Chocolate milk_ he thought obliviously

" The same that your having, my love." he answered pleasantly.

The waiter slightly nodded and left to retrieved there order. Leaving them in a dark corner with all of the other lovers. Edward silently wished he knew how lucky he was.

They stayed by one another trying to distract themselves. Edward playing with the end of his tie and Bella becoming so much interested in the linen napkin creation.

"So, maybe I should ask your name?" Edward questioned in long fluid movements.

"Yes, you probably should." She said looking him strait in the eye.

" What's you name mystery girl and how do I have any connection to you." He asked dazzling.

" My name is Isabella Marie Swan. I am close friends with Alice." She said coldly.

" My name is Edward. Alice likes to call me Eddy for some unknown reason."

Bella looked nervous for a split second at how could he be fun and playful.

" Yes, well Alice likes to have pet names." She said simply.

" Do you have a pet name" He replied dead serious.

" Southern Belle." she mumbled

Edward laughed very loud.

" Hey, don't laugh! It's a really embarrassing name." Bella said flushed.

"Bella, It fits you perfectly that's why I'm laughing." He encouraged unable from a least smiling.

"Do tell" She answered with goo goo eyes and biting her bottom lip. Edward couldn't figure out why he felt a rush of nervousness. He grabbed her hand from across the table.

"Well belle is a french word meaning "Beautiful" and it also has the under tone for a young women from the wealthy class of the south. Are you from the south Bella." He implied gentle rubbing circles on her palm with tender hands.

" Yes, small town Bancroft, Kentucky. Not to deep in the heart of the south but still southern" She hushed trying to not steal his kisses that very moment.

"How did a small southern girl like you end up in a place like this." He blubbered truly and genuinely curious.

"My mother and my father were two very different people. He was from a wealthy family and she was just some starry eyed farm girl. You know your classic love story. Except it ended in a tragic divorce. But don't most marriages." She stumbled the last part.

" Marriages don't last unless the two people respect and love each other. Most are lacking the respect and responsibility in a relationship. Well you don't have to agree. That's my two cents on the issue." He responded lifting his eyebrows up and dramatically dropping them down. Bella had to giggle.

"What" he heard her giggles.

"Your eyebrows look like caterpillars." she giggled.

"You look like a piece of modern art work." He bellowed.

Bella reached out and looked him in the eye.

"Can I touch your caterpillars?" She asked with the innocents of a five year old.

Edward was in hysterics at her cute little comment .

"Sure." He snickered at Bella blush.

She took her finger and started with the right one in the inside of his eye. She felt so erotic just by touching his eye brows.

"I swear on of them is going to crawl on my finger."

The waiter jumped over and bowed his head. Feeling like an intruder. He slowly poured the wine up to the rims of there glasses. Then they quickly placed there orders of the same type of soup.

" Your thirty five?" she asked.

" Yes. What is it Bella, do you like older men?"

Bella held her tongue from saying something really embarrassing.\

" Your ten years older than me."

" I feel that age doesn't matter. What are you bothered by my age." He said feeling insecure.

" No I just don't get why Alice would put me with such an older man. I usually don't date people that much with an age difference." She fended.

" Then who do you usually date." He replied.

" Well you know. Frat boys, yuppies." She said blushing.

He didn't know why that bothered him or why it should.

" Now I know why." She replied seeing his hurt.

" Why?" He was becoming anxious.

" Because there all immature, horny, spoiled brats." She answered courageously.

" Don't stereotype." He commanded.

" Were you a frat boy?" she asked.

" No I don't believe in what they do." He answered with humility. Bella looked confused.

" That a man should respect a woman." He stated simply.

The waiter quickly came stumbling with there food and smiled a big toothy grin. The hostess didn't give much on them. When they were all settled Edward was the first to speak.

" So your a lawyer. How did that come?" he asked.

" So your one of the many people that have heard about the Swan Law Firm. Well I mean as my mom said I got it from him. He didn't really inspire me because I never saw him growing up." She said in a sad voice.

" Hey" He grumbled reaching out for her hand. "At least your financially on a pillow." He snickered.

"Well what do you do?" She asked curiously.

Edward dreaded that. His mind came to an abrupt halt. They never talked about how he was spouse to bring up his strange profession. What was he spouse to say "Hi I'm Edward I live in a funeral home with the dead people."

" I... I take care of the bodies." He hesitated

" What do you mean you take care of the bodies?" Bella whispered panicked.

" I mean I cut them open and pump the blood out of dead people." He shrieked.

" Edward. Calm down." She stated smoothly.

"See I'm an undertaker I handle with the dead." He hissed

" Yes?" She remarked in a sing song voice.

" What do you mean "Yes?" I mean I live in a funeral home."

"Okay." She obliviously implored.

"I've seen dead babies Bella." He said in the highest pitch whisper.

"Yes when you put it that way it's really creepy."

" I need to leave." He fumed

"Why." Bella wined.

" Because I'm thirty five year old virgin and I feel a connection to the dead. I don't want to ruin my memory with you." And with that he through his money on the table and dashed out of the door.

Bella was in an haze. She pulled out her cell phone with trembling hands and looked around.

"Alice, I need to go on another date with Edward Cullen."

Because Miss. Swan always won.

Firstly. I know it is deemed inappropriate to call someone an undertaker. I know there called funeral directors and have normal lives like everyone else. Still this is the way that Edward thinks people he dates will see him. Secondly. I now Sir Issac Newton was not like that even though he was celibate. Thirdly. Sorry for my immature dialogue or my bad grammar. I'm only thirteen. Fourthly. I now that lawyers aren't always crazed winners. I like for some one to tell me the things I did wrong more than the things I did right. Also I will be starting a new story and that one will be very long. So this is me just testing the waters.


End file.
